4-6-8 Intentional Breathing Technique: A grounding and centering technique. You begin by taking a deep inhalation for four seconds. Next, you hold your breath for six seconds before slowly exhaling, with intention, for eight seconds. I suggest you make an audible sigh of relief when you are exhaling, which allows more energy to move through your vocal cords. Repeat this technique five times to assist your NSI to get back below a 3.

AEOs (Agendas, Expectations, Obligations): AEOs act as rules we create to validate a belief associated to a value, like fairness or loyalty. We assign AEOs for what needs to happen or not happen for a belief to be true or false. Rules come in two forms: empowered, green – boundaries for what we will and will not accept and disempowered, red – trying to control someone or something external of self.

AI (Active Imagination): You use Active Imagination to consciously communicate with your unconscious mind, using your conscious mind to willfully suspend disbelief and choose to believe in the make-believe. You give yourself permission to disregard your left brain’s craving to think, judge, analyze, logicalize, rationalize, strategize and figure out everything.

Anchors of Awareness: Anchors of awareness consist of Mindfulness Strategies and VAKing Tools. When you get triggered, you will feel a stimulus in your body. In order to begin the process of recognizing and interrupting an activated disempowered pattern, you need to apply the Anchors of Awareness to be cognizant that your body is sending you a signal for your conscious mind to wake up and pay attention.

ART (Attuned Response Technique) of Rescuing: When your partner is reactive and hurting, do you think to engage them in combat or are you inspired to help rescue them? It is incumbent on the partner who is rescuing to stay present, non-judgmental, centered and grounded as their MEL. This partner is responsible for not making it about themselves, hold space for the reactive partner and ask exploring questions. This helps neurologically deescalate - rescue the reactive partner when they are triggered and become flooded.

Associate & Activate Cycle: This third cycle explains how we react or respond to potentially triggering stimuli in the present moment. If your unconscious mind senses some form of danger (real or imagined), you may associate the present moment with an unresolved Core Identity Cycle, which then activates your nervous system. Amid the physiological shift in your inner world, the perceptions, emotions, beliefs, and body sensations will unconsciously seem eerily similar to a memory from the past.

AUA (Awareness, Understanding, Application): First, you become aware of any disempowered cycles that are negatively impacting your life and relationships. Second, you come to understand how to use NI strategies and tools to recognize and interrupt them, and techniques to install new empowered cycles through repetition. Next and most importantly, you apply the NI strategies, tools, and techniques by making a conscious commitment to do the daily work necessary to ensure your greatest chance of success.

Beliefs: The mental models we construct based on real or imagined perceptions of experiences we have with respect to ourselves and others. Beliefs are formed from decisions we make when a reference and a meaning have been repeatedly associated with in times of peak, elevated emotions. Beliefs can motivate us to grow and contribute in powerful ways, but they can also act like a mushroom cap—a safe, covered space to keep us from growing and achieving.

BETTY (Be Enthusiastically True To You): When you do not love and honor BETTY, you give your personal power away. When you give your power away, you do not see the truth or listen to the wisdom of your inner voice. When you do not listen to your inner voice, you make decisions that are not aligned with your MEL values. When you are not honoring your MEL values, you are not being true to you, your mind cannot become quiet, and your soul cannot be at peace.

BSI (Body Sensation Impression): The visual representation of a NUB or PODS. The unconscious mind loves symbols, so we use active imagination and sensory data to paint a metaphorical picture of the body sensation. To do that, we describe the location, size, shape, color, temperature, texture, weight, pressure, vibration, etc.

Challenge Question: What would I have to believe in order to feel this way? is the challenge question. What would you have to believe about the situation, the thought, person, place, or thing that triggered you and manifested the physiological shift of emotional energy and body sensation in order for you to feel the way you felt at that time?

Chaos: A reactive state of being hyperaroused and likely to act out or move against others. You usually shout out, and your thoughts might seem like they are racing at 1,000 mph. Some patterns associated with this state are hyperactivity, anxiety, panic, restlessness, insomnia, hypervigilance, hostility, rage, emotional flooding, high blood pressure, and digestive issues.

Compassionate Communication: Similar to contingent communication for infants, compassionate communication is used when one person is triggered and the other recognizes the shift, does not make anything about themselves and compassionately holds space for the triggered person to express themselves and regain equilibrium.

Conscious Mind: Contains everything within our present awareness.  We are consciously aware of approximately 10 percent of what is going on at any moment. When we focus on the present, our conscious mind is aware, just as it is when we daydream or retrieve a past memory. We use our conscious mind to set goals for what we want to achieve and send instructions to our unconscious mind.

Contingent Communication: Contingent communication describes how children and their primary caregivers collaborate, attune, and relate with one another. This process is related to how people receive and perceive others’ verbal and nonverbal signals, which affects the answer to the primary attachment question.

Core Identity Cycle: The neurological cycle that begins in childhood, with the filtering of sensory data through references generated by past experiences. References are neural pathways that formed when we made sense of an experience; they are context related and can be positive or negative. References lead us to assign a meaning with an associated emotion, and this can lead us to construct a belief that then becomes a part of our identity. We may not even consciously know where a belief comes from, or which memory it’s associated with, but that doesn’t stop it from leading us to unconsciously reenact and reinforce disempowering patterns throughout various stages of our lives.

COVE (Cycle Of Validation Experience): When you create a disempowered identity defined with disempowered beliefs, you may condemn yourself to patterns where you reenact and reinforce a fear or shame belief. Your disempowered identity is enveloped within a story which you defend and do not give yourself permission to be inaccurate, incomplete or incorrect. You unconsciously show up in ways, so the external world responds back to you to validate your beliefs. You then figuratively go to the bathroom, look at yourself in the mirror, point a finger at your reflection and say, “See! I told you, you are .................!”

DABA (Denial, Accusation, Blaming, Assuming): When a red disempowered AEO rule is broken, we may feel pain. We are our own Supreme Court Justice, so we pass down verdicts. We may deny we have anything to do with the problem, accuse and blame others, and assume other’s thoughts, feelings, and intentions without asking. We adopt a victim story based on the red AEO rule and begin to punish our perceived offender.

DDG (Distort, Delete, Generalize): As sensory input comes into our system, we distort, delete, and generalize the data. This filtering of sensory input creates the perceptions that form our internal representation of ourselves and others.

Deal and Don’t Feel OR Feel and Don’t Deal? If you follow the deal and don’t feel pattern, your emotions became so intense at the time of the neurological wounding experience, you made an unconscious decision to cut off from your body so you could deal with the situation and the aftermath to make sense of it in some way. Over time, you learn to live in your head to stay safe, and you lose connection with your body. If you follow the feel and don’t deal pattern, your emotions were so overwhelming at the time of the neurological wounding experience, you shut off your brain and are only able to feel the intense emotions and body sensations. Overtime, when you sense uncertainty or danger in some way, your pattern is to go straight to the body and feel everything and not be able to deal with what is in that present moment.

Disempowerment: Represented by the color red. In a disempowered state, you resist taking personal responsibility for your inner world and your patterns of negative thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and stories (TEBS). You live “at effect,” meaning you blame someone or something external to you for the state of your inner world— your nervous system. You give your personal power away, adopt a victim role, and believe you have no choice. You may focus on what you do not want and get your needs of significance and connection met in an unhealthy manner. Your thoughts are I-centric, and your emotions are generally anger, sadness, fear, shame, guilt, or hurt. You may have an unconscious habit of using disempowered keywords and phrases within the narrative of your perception.

DNA Patterns: DNA is an analogy for a unique set of generational patterns. These DNA patterns are inherited through gene expression and/or also passed down by watching, witnessing and adopting patterns of people of significance in your early life. DNA patterns are either green - empowered or red - disempowered.

Dualistic Healing: Dualistic healing is one of the complexities of the Imago Attachment Complex. This is a dysfunctional pattern of conflict that partners need in order to instigate inner discomfort and to inspire each partner to do their “I” work and to become comfortable with that which was uncomfortable. This dualistic healing is akin to a reflection in a mirror. The reaction of partner A is a cry for help from partner B to change to help partner A with their own healing process and will invariably be the greatest challenge for the healing and growth for partner B.

Dysfunction Junction: This is an NI term used to describe reactive patterns between couples that can be painful, toxic and destructive. The source is the disempowered patterns emulating from partners unresolved neurological wounds, mostly from childhood. This leads to unconscious reactive patterns that increase in frequency, intensity and duration.

Emotions: Emotions are energy in motion within our nervous system that either flow, flood or get stuck within the body. Emotions can be embodied by strong feelings and body sensations that may be positive, neutral or negative.

Empowerment: Represented by the color green. Empowerment is a continuous process of enhancing personal power by mindfully managing your mind. This state of being is also represented by living with the perspective that you are “at cause,” meaning you take personal responsibility for your inner world and your patterns of thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and stories (TEBS). Living by the intentions of empowerment, you strive to honor your most important values. You do not give your personal power away to anyone or anything external to you, because you know you are a participant, and you have a choice. You intentionally focus on what you want and are mindful of getting your attachment needs of significance and connection met in a healthy manner. Your primary thoughts concern the greater good and your emotions are generally positive and infused with love, joy, peace, passion, excitement, empathy, and gratitude.

Energy: Energy enters the body through sensory data and is comprised of our emotions and body sensations. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, only transformed or transferred.

EWAS (Early Warning Alarm Signal): A metaphorical image you use to act as your wakeup call to get your prefrontal cortex, your mindful brain, to pay attention and take control. EWAS is when your nervous system associates and activates to unresolvedness within and you feel a unique body sensation. This sensation is usually felt between the throat and groin areas. This body sensation is the first indication that you are activated and is used as an anchor of awareness to awaken your conscious mind. You can then employ NI strategies, tools and techniques to interrupt a disempowered pattern and reevaluate the meaning you assigned to your perception.

Explicit Memory: Conscious, declarative memory that houses semantic and episodic memory. All explicit memory must be consciously retrieved to be accessed.

FID (Frequency, Intensity, Duration): Frequency (How often you go above an NSI 6 within a consistent context); intensity (How you rate the activation of your nervous system from a 0 to 10); duration (How long your nervous system remains in a state of high activation—A few seconds? A few minutes? An entire day? A week? A year? A lifetime?)

FOOD (Family Of Origin Dysfunction): This acronym represents one of the ways codependency patterns may begin with childhood neurological wounding that is usually related to experiences within the immediate family.

Gap: The amount of time and space between a neurological stimulus and a conscious or unconscious choice. The stimulus is represented by a body sensation one feels usually between the throat and groin region. When you employ NI strategies, tools and techniques to grow the gap, you may reevaluate the meaning you assigned and change it, so you respond in an empowered way.

Gisms - Glenn-isms: Glenn S. Cohen’s musings, metaphors, analogies, quotes, posts and sayings.

GPS (Grief, Pain, Sadness): GPS is one of two powerful negative energy fields. The grief, pain and sadness is a symbol of an emotional burden which is a metaphorical anchor of energy that may get stuck within your nervous system.

HAVOR (Honest, Authentic, Vulnerable, Open, Real): A standard of being for how you show up for yourself and others, honoring your MEL values consistently and congruently.

High Road of Responsiveness: When we choose to take the High Road, we are mindful to stay within our zone of tolerance and maintain a wide gap between stimulus and response.   We assign empowered meanings to our experiences, follow patterns that move us toward others, and enjoy the positive outcomes that result from our responsive choices.  On this road, we are able to quickly come back to center after being triggered. 

HOME #1 (How Our Meanings Evolve): In your childhood and adolescence, you begin to assign meanings that build references from your past. This evolution of references often may impact how you perceive and assign meaning in the future.

HOME #2 (Habit Of Meaning Evaluation): In your adult life, you develop an unconscious habit for how you assign meaning based on the references from your past and the unresolvedness of your Core Identity Cycle. 

Imago Attachment Complex: Our unconscious strategy to form an attachment bond with a committed love partner who has similar patterns of the people of significance from our childhood who neurologically wounded us the most. This partner then triggers us which acts as a mirror reflecting to us that which we need to resolve so we can reclaim our original innate wholeness.

Implicit Memory: Unconscious memory characterized by perceptions, emotions, belief ’s, body sensations, and priming, which are not consciously retrieved.

INE (Impactful Neurological Experience): Negative experiences wherein we perceive some form of real or imagined danger that activates our nervous system to a high level for a period of time. INEs occur inside of us and are not always visible to others. When an INE overly activates our nervous system, we may fire and wire in the energy and information of the experience into an unresolved lasting memory (neurological wounding). Information: Sensory data enters our system as energy and information. The information aspect is filtered to comprise references, meanings, beliefs, language, and stories.

Insecure Anxious Attachment: One of three insecure attachment styles associated with an inconsistent parenting pattern. Sometimes the parents will be supportive and responsive to the child’s needs, while at other times, they will be misatuned to the child. This inconsistency might make it difficult for the child to understand what the parents’ behavior means and what kind of response to expect in the future. The child might end up confused about his/her relationship with the caregivers, whose behavior sends mixed signals.

Insecure Avoidant Attachment: One of three insecure attachment styles associated with the emotional unavailability of caregivers. The caregivers do not necessarily neglect the child in general; they are present. Nevertheless, they tend to avoid the display of emotion and intimacy and are often mistuned to the child’s emotional needs. Such caregivers are reserved and seemed to back off when the child reaches out for support, reassurance and affection.

Insecure Disorganized Attachment: One of three insecure attachment styles associated with childhood trauma or abuse. The survival of the child depends on the caregivers. The child knows that unconsciously, he/she seeks safety in the caregivers. A problem arises when the source of safety becomes a source of fear. If the caregivers show highly contrasting behavior, which is inconsistent and unpredictable, the child can start fearing for his/her own safety. The child does not know what to expect and when his/her needs will be met, if at all.

JDIC (Judgmental, Defensive, Impulsive, Closed-off): This is a disempowered reactive pattern when you go down the low road of reactivity. Judgmental in your assessment, defensive and protective, impulsive with reactive patterns and closed off to yourself and others.

JERC (Justifying, Excusing, Rationalizing, Cajoling): The third step of the Judgment pattern within the Triggered Protective Cycle. Once a red AEO rule is broken, you pass a DABA verdict and then you justify, excuse, rationalize and cajole to defend your disempowered story to prove you are right in order to validate your identity.

KISS Method (Keep it Simple, Schmegegge): The KISS method is to remind one to try not to 'out-think' the process and to keep the process as simple as possible. Law of 80/20: In our journey, we abide by the Law of 80/20, wherein we strive for 100% and we are grateful for 80%.  We are mindful to nourish the empowered 80% and manage the disempowered 20%.

The Legend of Cenneuint: A fable that acts as a metaphor for the intricacies of one’s inner world to understand, on an allegorical level, the concepts of neurological wounding, healing, and the multiple players of our inner world.

Low Road of Reactivity: When we choose to take the Low Road, our gap is narrow, and we may easily stray outside the zone of tolerance into rigidity or chaos.   We assign a disempowered meaning to our experiences, follow patterns that move us away from or against others, and suffer the negative outcomes from believing that we do not have a choice and we are a victim.  When we take the Low Road, we initiate our Triggered Protective Cycle and erode our personal power. 

M3 Strategy: M3 lets you decide to use your time, energy, and attention with patience, practice, and perseverance to mindfully manufacture a MEL mini movie with massive amounts of sensory data; as you do so, you’ll be using the NI instruments. Depending on the context of the intention for your particular strategy, you need to use the tools 3 times a day for 33 consecutive days. This MEL mini movie can last for 3 seconds, 33 seconds, or 3 minutes, depending on what you are trying to master.

MAD COW Dis-ease (Meaning Activated Dysfunction to Control, Obsess, Worry): This occurs when we assign a disempowered meaning that activates the dysfunctional pattern of codependency. We feel a strong need to control, obsess, and worry about someone or something external of self.   We focus on the external because we do not want to face and deal with what is unresolved internally. 

MAP (Meaning Assigning Pattern): Our MAP is comprised of our green and red references and determines how we begin the process for assigning meaning to our perceptions. Our MAP creates and updates itself as our journey progresses in life.

MDT (Mindful Discussion Technique): This technique is a critically important skill to have successful discussions regarding our perspectives, emotions, beliefs, values, needs/wants and our triggers with others especially committed love partners.

Meanings: The process of making sense of your perceptions ends with the formation of what something means to you, about you or for you. Your choice of meaning is your right which no one can take away from you. It is the essence of living at cause and owning your personal power.

MEL (Mindful Empowered Leader): The highest version of self, which lives by and honors your most important values. When you identify with and live as your MEL, you manage your nervous system from a perspective of personal empowerment. This leads you to enjoy successful, healthy, and functional relationships with yourself and others.

MEL Values

1. Being Present and Non-judgmental while remaining Centered and Grounded

2. Feeling Open and Flexible with an abundance of Love and Acceptance

3. Showing Curiosity and Inquisitiveness while offering Empathy and Compassion

4. Feeling Connected and Vulnerable with a heart full of Gratitude and Appreciation

5. Having Patience and Perseverance while embodying Confidence and Courage Center for Neurological Intelligence

6. Displaying Determination and Discipline while Honoring self and others with Integrity

7. Focusing on Health and Well-being while honoring your Purpose and Spirituality

8. Bringing Fun and Laughter into your life while striving for Success and Adventure

9. Feeling Energized and Inspired while focusing on Growth and Contribution